Just confirmed yesterday that my wife is 6 weeks pregnant. We were trying to have a baby, so this news is both expected and joyous. I can't wait until the baby is born so I can start my ideological indoctrination of the poor sucker.

After "mamy" and "papy", the next words the baby will learn will be "Bush sucks" -- just in time for the 2004 elections! Won't that be adorable? We'll send the baby out on the campaign trail to spread the message that Bush, well, sucks.

After those four words, we can then work on "Republicans want to steal your social security benefits in order to line the pockets of their fat-cat corrupt corporate benefactors." I'll give the baby a year or so to beef up on United States electoral history, 1950-present, after which he or she will work as a Daily Kos intern helping me do opposition research for the 2006 midterms.

I've got it all planned out.

But I seem to have this nightmare in which our kid becomes a teenager and suddenly morphs into Alex Keaton and sings the praises of Republicans everywhere. I wake screaming and the cold sweats last me through the day.